News From the Wasteland March 18th 2019

Tom Delonge
Tom Delonge

Former Blink-182 Guitarist and living vessel of all manner of paranormal beliefs Tom Delonge will be hosting a History Channel series aimed at building a ‘indisputable” case for the existence of UFOs. The series, entitled “Unidentified: Inside America’s UFO investigation” will include DeLonge’s interview with military intelligence official Luis Elizando, who confirmed the existence of the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program a few years ago.

In other UFO news, a large long rectangular object was reported flying low over a highway in Georgia. It was “glowing with various shades of bright orange through surface covered in octagon-shaped windows/exterior shell,” said an eyewitness, who also said it was “too massive and moving too quickly to be a balloon” Georgia MUFON chief investigator closed this case as an “Unknown Aerial Vehicle.”

Bangladesh
Bangladesh

In a very obscure story I found, 7 girls from a Bangladesh school were hospitalized for “mass hysteria after they passed out in unison while singing the national anthem last Monday. Officials believe the hysteria may have been trigger by mental health or “Changes in weather.”

Loch Ness
Loch Ness

Turning now to Sea Monster and cryptid news, there were two new sightings of Nessy, The Loch Ness Monster, in five days, although this was not reported in the mainstream press. A woman from Manchester claims to have snapped a photo of the beast, while an Irish tourist claims he caught an image of the celebrity cryptid on his webcam. Neither story has been confirmed, but that has not stopped a new outbreak of Nessie-mania in the region.

Donald Trump
Donald Trump

Also, last week President Trump retweeted a Pizzagate conspiracy theorist, a Qanon conspiracy theorist, and a conspiracy theorist who believed that the New Zealand mosque attack was staged to limit gun rights, in a historic bit of representation for the reality averse everywhere.