News From the Wasteland March 11th 2019

Mysterious tracks in the snow spotted last week in Medical Lake, Washington have been attributed to Bigfoot by at least one resident, local news reports. The tracks measure 23 inches across with a 35 inch stride. Medical Lake resident, Steve Meacham, who uploaded photos of the tracks to Facebook, says he’s seen similar tracks growing up in Northern California.

Skeptics have blamed the tracks, not on mysterious primeval hominids, but on snowshoers. Or maybe a moose.

In the category of “a public figure has been replaced with a body double” internet conspiracy theorists are now convinced that Trump has been appearing with a Melania Trump look-alike after photos surfaced of President Trump with the first lady in Palm Beach Florida and later in Alabama.

As evidence these government conspiracy theorists cite her, looking kind of different than usual in a couple of different shots?

I don’t know, this one seems pretty out there. But that hasn’t stopped hashtag fake Melania from trending on twitter. Hopefully, most of these tweets are just an elaborate joke.

Singular Fortean, a paranormal site that has been tracking eyewitness reports of Mothman in Chicago among other phenomena, a site which I personally have been following occasionally for the last two years, has received reports from an eyewitness who claimed he saw “a shadowy figure” shape-shifting in 1993, near the location of the present day Mothman sightings.

I’m going to read the whole quote, because its fantastic:

“The following sounds crazy, but I promise it happened exactly as described. My wonder is if anyone has ever reported something similar. Years ago a friend, myself, and my collie were sitting in my driveway around 11 p.m. just BSing on a summer night. Suddenly my dog began to go crazy and beg to go inside.

Then, across the street, there was a quick flash of bright light and a shadowy man stepped out of the light. The man turned to look at us, and as he/it did, it went down on all fours and went from a shadowy man to a big, black shadowy cat-like creature.

There was another flash of light and it was gone. During the event neither one of us spoke, but afterwards I looked at him and said “do you want to go inside,” he said “yes,” and so we did.

Inside we took turns describing the event to each other and both of us saw the exact same thing.

Years later i ran into this friend again and he still remembers every detail exactly the same. No drugs or alcohol were involved nor had either of us tried any of that yet. It was clear as day and i remember every detail like it was yesterday. I know we saw something, I am wondering if anyone knows what it was.”

Credible? You decide. Personally, I have decided that I believe this account wholeheartedly and without any reservation whatsoever.

Finally, no UFOs were spotted this week, proving yet again that the Illuminati is absolutely ruthless in its elimination of witnesses.

Remember if you see something, say nothing. And lock your doors.